My dog

Tucker died today. He was run over by a car in front of the North Carver Church.
I'm burying him in the front yard with my father.

Lackluster

I only want to talk to two people right now. One is dead. The other I would give anything to drink a sixpack in the basement of the store with, and then listen to Johnny Quest.

I need my heart rebroken. It didn't set right the last few times.

I am a law of diminishing returns.

It's not that the world is unfair, that's not true. The world is cruel. It's uniformly cruel, and capriciously cruel, but fairness doesn't enter in to it.

Constructions in Time

It's about how we understand time passing. We have the arrow of time: the measure of an increasing force of entropy, the slow passing of moments and the constriction of freedom, just like a chess board. A complexity of 10 to the 123rd power gets wittled down, each move consigning each player to fewer and fewer choices.

We decide ourselves in the same way, our freedom of movement growing smaller and smaller until we are patterns, automatons whose only remaining move is to die.

We repeat our actions, call it personality. We consign ourselves to the dustbin of psychohistory, we become our own explanation. We lose our inscrutability.

Did you know that I haven't ever really fallen out of love? Not that I've fallen in love so many times as to leave a bevy of unfulfilled desires in the back of my mind, but that I don't know how one switches it off- I don't know where they go, these loves that once were; mine linger and stink up the place.

All I want is freedom of motion- and the opportunity for my actions to be those of an inscrutable agent- and I don't see either of those things happening in this world.

I want something new, and I won't stop being a complete jackass until I find it.

Great,

Xala.

That's it. That's the entire entry.

Creepy enough for you yet?

A brand new and exhaustive update

So 12 things to bring to our attention, and then we'll move on to the random videos and ranting about how awful I am.

1. I went to competition in Pittsburgh, PA. I think I did an awful job. Others disagree. But on the bright side, I now have a billion barista related things to do, my head is exploding with possibilities. This is why I compete, though getting to Finals would've been nice. So would going to the USBC. But ultimately it comes down to connecting with people who are on the same page as I am.

2. I can't really decide how to count the mistakes I've made over the past month. I've made plenty, and thankfully, most are without consequences. I've also made some good decisions, like not going home with a fucking junkie, and, um, well, that's what comes to mind.

3. I have fallen in love with MGMT. And now I've fallen out of love with them. I might decide to obsess about Airborne Toxic Event next, but then again, I also really love the Black Keys' Attack and Release.

4. I was really freaking myself out about multi-dimensional spaces and objects, and the possibility of 3-dimensional objects occupying mutually unobservable yet similar positions within a 4-dimensional space. Thankfully, a 4-dimensional Earth would seem to seriously fuck with our understanding of mass and gravity-

but then again, in this I think I'm pulling the Descartes thing of thinking something uncomfortable can't be true. Or maybe the Conzett thing, in that a complex understanding of something simple is really just bull.

5. Wow, art students, except for K-Robs, are really the least interesting people on the planet. A quick gloss on my understanding- art is craft, it is an expression of an understanding of the world around us- an understanding that cannot be taught. Art students are like Marshal McLuhan books, all medium and no context or content.

6. But they are amusing.

7. Xala is a pretty amazing person, most of the time. Especially when that time is watching zombies beat themselves up at windows, or when listening to me bitch about trisha, or when eating vietnamese food.

8. I probably deserve the emptiness of a kynthia-free world. I probably don't deserve the grace of a trisha-free world. This is unhelpful information, now.

9. I am now interested in the problem of Palettes. This concerns competition, espresso, and I don't blame you if you skip to ten, which will be far more entertaining and sexy. So palettes- at competition, I was told that competitors smoke, and that judges don't, and this causes a rift in palettes. Smokers prefer darker roasted coffees that have fewer bright or citrus-y notes- what I think of grapefruitiness; Judges entirely go for the bright and fruity notes. So how is this? How does this work? I was told that it might be a matter of similar tastes, that because smoking is a back palette activity, because it's so back of the mouth, deep in the nasal cavity, that coffees that appeal to the same senses would be preferred to those that don't. I wonder, though, if it is a sense-compensation issue. Imagine that smoking inhibits a certain amount of taste sensation at the back of one's palette; then imagine, that like a blind man's hearing, the front of the palette becomes more sensitive. So sensitive that what were subtle citrus or dried fruit notes become grapefruit assaults? I don't know, but I think this is an area of exploration for the guys at Barismo and I to undertake.

10. Oh shit, that's right, I'm now friends with the guys over at Barismo. Jaime and Ben are pretty awesome coffee geeks, and i can't wait to go hang out at the roastery.h

11. I am really grateful to work at 1369. I am really grateful to have trained with alison and nathaniel. I am so proud of Nathaniel, and I can't wait for NERBC 2010.

12. And valentines day with Xala kicked valentines day with poopy mcbitchypants ass.


and videos!






And now pictures from a movie you haven't seen. That is probably in French.






I am already in love with you if you know what other movie I'd post a still from.

"To be or not to be. That's not really a question."