We knew the evening was going somewhere when the beer was free and the robot on the wall was wearing underwear. I shit you not (yet.) So the beers went down like loose kittens in a laundry chute, and I fetched s'more company before heading off to the disaster that is the Enormous Room. More drinks, and Sean stole my damn car bomb, and certainly, sir played their homespun little ditties. Then off to Our House, which vaguely smells of urine, for more drinks. Estimated total drinks for me that evening: 15-20.

I've been better, I've been worse, but doctor, can you call the nurse?

So I recently finished Evelyn Waugh's Decline and Fall, and I have to say, for brain candy, I definitely go towards the British nonsense/comic novel. Between Chesterton and Waugh, you get prose that just plain burns across the page, no sentence being rudely constructed as mere plot carrier, everything written with such poise it hurts. From the first page of D&F, describing the revels of the upper class boys at an Oxford-like college: "It is not accurate to call this an annual event, because quite often the club is suspended for some years after each meeting . . . at the last dinner, three years ago, a fox had been brought in in a cage and stoned to death with champagne bottles. What an evening that had been!"

The only fault for this type of novel, is that it is so carefully constructed, the happenstance so improbably and yet so perfectly timed, that it eventually comes off as a pageant, and not a novel. Like Wooster, and like Wilde, these comic worlds are pure artifice. But delicious artifice nonetheless.

So, this is for all you people who always hope I'll blog, and yet I never do . . .

The shorter Zach's Friends

Shorter Ldub: So there's this guy at the register, and I was like "Whoa. Dumbass."

Shorter Cos: Guess which influential musician died today? I will lament them with pictures and Glengarry Glenn Ross references.

Shorter Squidfartz: I love mayonaisse-flavored foreign films. Have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone while watching such a film? Here is an opportunity to do so.

Shorter Viking Puker : I played a game like porn. I will give you grilled meats.

Shorter Michelle : The midwest is different from Boston.



Well, I hope that either managed to alienate or draw all of us together. I miss my friends. Perhaps next tuesday?