So many years . . .

Requiem
July 12 2003
go down to the sea
to celebrate your memory
to mourn an anniversary
write it here in this diary
feeling six years guilty
tears welling up taste salty
and memories haunt me
Heard you in a dream
could not see or flee
nothing is what it seemed
and all that I leaned on
fell apart gone, a neat charm
and easy down fall
a nihilistic call from summer to fall
and to spring, a diseased king
who for my love is begging
how much do you love me
how long till my eyes see
and why cant I plead
and bleed, supplicate
and make a bargain with fate
to escape destiny?
On Lies these dreams are fed,
the mistaken notion that you are not dead.
For all I said and didnt say
from september 28 till today
for all I read, for the life I lead
for all my living and my dead
I scream to the heavens
for unleavened bread
and rain to wipe away this stain
and ban, to hold his hand
on the windswept sand
but it aint gonna happen;
its sappin my strength
shortening the length
of my stamina and rage
till as I drain merlot
to increase my flow
I finish and then addendum
for this incomplete requiem
kyrie eleison
christe eleison
all I have
for my brother,
aaron